Honestly i'm feeling quite fed up with myself.
Like a real feeling of frustration...
That i'm still a babe in Christ.
It makes me so FRUSTRATED.
That's the best way to put it.
Not infuriated nor mad nor sad.
I thought i was reading and praying much but apparently not,
I thought i could give good sisterly advice but apparently not,
I thought i could make good Christian decisions but apparently not.
It's so frustrating you know???
That i can be such a stumbling block to my brethren
And also to myself
That my thoughts and actions and words are not giving a good testimony of the Lord.
And that is my resolution for 2014.
I see how one of the older ones walk uprightly following God, lacing every sentence with praise, or reverence, or submission to Him.
What about me??
Still in the babe phase of saying 'oh i'll pray for you :)'
How can i even say that with confidence when i have strayed so far from Him!
Am in no way ready for his blessings or even DESERVING of them.
So frustrated that I can't even give words of encouragement without sounding like a hypocrite.
AGHHHH this is like playing Candy Crush till level 100 and feeling smug before realising there are like 300 more levels to go.
Far far away from the standard of Romans 12:1
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."
Looking at this any way brings me to the same conclusion: that i have to reconcile with God.
I have to purpose in my heart not to be a Pharisee of the OT, -> NATO.
I have to equip myself with the armour of God before battling, yes??
What's the point of just going out with little knowledge and getting beaten?
With God all things are possible
And i trust He will guide me back to His way.
Fervent prayer and QT are essential to be more like the great Counselor above!