tw: rant and useless rambling
Sometimes, I just feel like a pile of sludge.
Like the world's most useless thing you could think of.
Probably the polar opposite of a loaf of sliced bread?
I just
Find myself having a load of flaws, y'know?
I might as well list them down.
1) I have absolutely zero self-discipline. This is the number one cause of all my other problems.
2) I'm selfish. Human nature, some might say, but I believe in being selfless :(
3) I can't balance my time.
4) I'm insecure. About friends. Wow.
5) I thrive on social contact, yet I don't want too much noise or partying. Wat even.
6) I'm fat! And this is because I don't have to discipline to diet, nor eat clean.
7) I don't do homework. Surprise!!!
Stupid self-discipline.
Why don't I have any?
I feel that people with self-discipline can generally succeed better at life.
They can complete their assignments with ease, carry themselves better and just
BE AWESOME.
I can never sit down and do something for hours on end, unless it involves gaming or drawing or pets.
UGH
If one day I can get a relaxing job that involves all 3, I might become the next Bill Gates.
But for now, it's killing me and the increasing pile of homework I have.
In classes, I can just stare at the lecturers and the tutors and the papers
And just think
DAFUQ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
This can't be good.
What if I could be purged?
Just rid of all this
Starting anew
Especially my body.
I just wish there was a human sized version of an apple corer...
Just have to slice away all the excess fats and tadaa! New improved body image.
It's not like you'll become extremely skinny, but it's the fact that the fats can be lost that easily.
purge
/pərj/
Verb
Rid (someone) of an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition, typically giving a sense of cathartic release.
Noun
An abrupt or violent removal of a group of people from an organization or place: "the Stalinist purges".
Synonyms
verb. cleanse - purify - clean - clear - refine - scour
noun. purification - cleaning - purgative - purgation
If I could just disappear
Without a trace
Abruptly
EVANESCENCE
Imagine this: a big, human sized ball of atoms just rapidly shrinking
Shrinking
And shrinking
Till it disappears in a flash of light
To go where?
A new world,
A parallel world
Different me,
Perfect me,
With no flaws.
But the same friends...
Life would be much better, I suppose.
No fats
No exclusion
No mindset to be selfish
I find myself jumping to conclusions very easily
Assuming that people don't want to talk to me
So I get left-out vibes very easily.
But then I feel loved very easily too
Is it not a win-win/lose-lose situation?
It is tough to be someone's priority.
I THINK I am someone's priority...
At least, #2 in their lives?
And it goes without saying that my family places my wellbeing first too.
It feels nice.
To be selfish here is easy.
But I have to make sure I reciprocate that sense of being wanted, being important as well!
Tumblr is a soul-sucking website
I have surrendered all my time to it
I was supposed to clean my desk, do my laundry, pack my school bag, and attempt to do homework, but
NOPE
here comes tumblr to muck everything up!
On the semi plus side I managed to crap out this piece.
